the great indigo crisis a sarcastic take

The Great IndiGo Crisis: Because Who Needs Flights That Actually Fly?

A humble plea to resurrect the glorious days of Jet Airways and Kingfisher, and perhaps grant Vijay Mallya a hero's welcome

A Satirical Commentary on India's Aviation Chaos

Oh, what a time to be alive in India! While the rest of the world worries about mundane things like climate change and global conflicts, we Indians have discovered a new national pastime: playing Russian roulette with our flight bookings. Thanks to IndiGo, the country's largest airline and the self-proclaimed beacon of affordable air travel, thousands of passengers have recently experienced the thrill of paying full fare for flights that exist only in the philosophical realm of "what could have been."

In what can only be described as a masterclass in creative customer service, IndiGo has managed to cancel hundreds of flights, strand thousands of passengers, and yet continue to charge them the full ticket price. It's innovation at its finest, really. Why offer a service when you can just charge for the idea of a service? Brilliant!

The airline, which controls nearly half of India's domestic aviation market, has been grappling with what insiders euphemistically call "operational challenges." For those unfamiliar with corporate jargon, this translates to: "Our planes don't fly, but your money still flies out of your wallet." Grounded aircraft due to engine issues, staff shortages, and what appears to be a general philosophical opposition to the concept of punctuality have left passengers stranded at airports across the nation, clutching their fully-paid tickets like lottery tickets that never won.

"I paid ₹8,000 for a ticket to reach my grandmother's funeral. IndiGo cancelled my flight with four hours' notice and told me the next available flight was three days later. But hey, at least they kept my money!" - Every IndiGo passenger, probably

And thus, in the grand tradition of looking backward with rose-tinted glasses, Indian passengers have begun a collective nostalgia trip. Remember Jet Airways? Remember Kingfisher Airlines? Remember when airlines actually tried to get you from Point A to Point B instead of just Point A to Point A-but-angrier?

Ah yes, Jet Airways, the airline that actually flew planes and served meals that didn't require a PhD in unwrapping to consume. The airline that treated passengers like customers rather than inconvenient cargo that talks back. Sure, it collapsed under a mountain of debt in 2019, leaving thousands of employees jobless and passengers in the lurch, but at least when you paid for a ticket, there was a reasonable expectation that a plane might actually take off. What a quaint notion!

And Kingfisher Airlines! The brainchild of liquor baron Vijay Mallya, who understood that if you're going to lose people's money, you might as well do it with style. In-flight entertainment, comfortable seats, attractive cabin crew, and champagne. Yes, the airline owed thousands of crores to banks and employees went unpaid, but at least the flights that did take off felt like you were getting some value for your money. Unlike IndiGo, where you pay premium prices for the privilege of sleeping on airport floors.

Speaking of Vijay Mallya, here's where things get deliciously ironic. The man has been labeled a fugitive, an economic offender, and various other terms that suggest he's done something terribly wrong. He fled to the United Kingdom, where he's been fighting extradition for years. The Indian government wants him back to face charges of fraud and money laundering. Banks want their money back. Employees want their dues. It's all very serious and proper.

But here's the thing that passengers are realizing in their IndiGo-induced misery: Vijay Mallya never personally stranded them at airports while keeping their ticket money. Think about it. When Kingfisher collapsed, it stopped selling tickets. It didn't continue to take bookings, charge full fare, and then simply not provide flight